October 23, 2017
Once again, I catch myself looking through my running photos, and feeling profound sadness. Too many tears have been shed. My last run was January 7th. I miss my running friends terribly. I miss the community. I miss feeling GOOD. I guess you could say I “gave up”. I stopped exercising entirely, and have been making some less than stellar food choices (again…sigh). I have no good excuse. I CHOSE to give my power away. To food. To self pity. To circumstance.
You know what’s most interesting to me about this “giving up” phenomenon? It not only affects me physically with weight gain, muscle loss, fatigue, and so on. It also affects my psyche…my mind, my soul, my spirit. I become emotional, over-sensitive, lacking motivation/desire, inexplicably sad, with thoughts & feelings of such tremendous inadequacy. It actually causes me to start questioning my abilities and worth in every area of my life. It’s the craziest thing.
It sounds extreme, I know; but I am living, breathing, walking PROOF that our physical bodies & our psyches are connected in a mighty, mighty way.
I ask God to heal my body; but I don’t take care of it. That’s pretty nervy, isn’t it?! I have a heart to serve others; but I cannot serve from an empty vessel.
So…what am I going to do about it? Am I going to eat another peanut butter cup from the bag that sits here on my desk, and say (for the 1000th time) “Tomorrow I will do better.”? Or am I going to take my power back? Because I want to. Because it’s CRAZY not to. Because it’s time to get back to loving this beautiful life God gave me, and be the very best ME I can be. It’s an insult to our amazing Creator not to.
I’m done crying about it. I’m done isolating myself with a bag of peanut butter cups…all the while hating myself for doing it. I’m done living AS IF I HAVE NO SAY in the matter. It’s not a perfect journey; but it doesn’t have to be a never-ending downward spiral into self-loathing & pity. My limits don’t define me. Why SHOULD they?!
Dear friends, I share this because I know some of you are suffering right along side me. I am standing here right now, linking arms with you, tears flowing freely down my cheeks, and shouting, “Yes, we CAN!”. The truth is we are loved by an amazing God, flaws & all. No matter if we ever “get it” for one moment. Unconditionally.
Here’s the thing though…
The opportunity for a truly beautiful, joy-filled life is RIGHT THERE just outside of our comfort zone (which frankly isn’t all that comfortable if we’re being honest). We need only take that one step. So, come on…. Won’t you take it with me? ….no, not tomorrow. Right NOW. Let’s DO it!
Love you, friends. You are amazing…and don’t you forget that for one. Single. Solitary. Second.